Monthly Archives: October 2010

I’m weird, but so is he

Many words have been used to describe the randomly wacky relationship that is my marriage. Crazy, silly, and whimsical even have been bantered around. But I think nothing describes it as much as this interaction.

I was all jacked up on musical theatre geekiness after watching Glee for the second time in one night (and this episode was full of awesome musical theatre songs!) and it was well after midnight when my husband turned to me and said,” You need to go to bed or else you’ll never get up in the morning” (So true).

So I get off the couch and get my cell phone from the table. As I walk towards to the stairs my husband says,” So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night.”

Immediately I burst into “The sun has gone to bed and so must I” as I do a weird approximation of the dance from the movie on my tip toes and sing “do da da loot loot do do do do”.

As he cracks up I finish the lyric,” So long farewell, auf wiedersehen goodniiiiiiiight”.

I then dance off up the stairs while humming the song. All my husband says is” I love you!”

I think this is a key to our marriage; he simultaneously loves me and ignores me.

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Who said I don’t follow directions?

Did you know that my super cool high tech phone does more than make calls and let me tweet stuff?
Apparently it has a GPS/directions application that will help guide you to wherever you want to go. In my case, a freeway….

I left a theatre located up near San Diego State University and turned right onto El Cajon Blvd. I remember that there is a freeway exit this way and off I go. Hey, there’s the car dealership on the left hand side that I knew was coming up! The freeway should be somewhere on the left hand side in a few blocks. I totally know where I am, yay me!

So what do I do? I decide to turn right. (It made sense to me at the time)

Now I am deep in a neighborhood, and it is dark. Was that a school I just passed? And a park? I have no idea this was all out there…. I guess I never wandered over here when I went to school out here.

Um….where am I now? I do not see anything remotely familiar…

Aha! A street I know! I think the nearest freeway exit is a right turn from here, so I do the only logical thing.

I turned left.

I’m passing bars full of kids trying to get in, and all matters of shops that are closed. The street is dark, but I am also pretty sure that if I keep going I will hit a freeway somewhere.

At a red light I pull out my phone. I remember having some sort of map/directions application on here. Ah ha! Here it is!
I type in my home address and wait for it to find my location.

The light turns green and I see that my directions tell me to find Spring Street. I keep driving and see Spring Street pass me by. I wave as I sail right by it.

Now the directions tell me to continue on to find Baltimore Dr. What is that shiny thing? Did I read that sign correctly?

Was that Baltimore Dr I just drove right by? Huh, I think I was supposed to turn or something here. I decide to keep going on the street I’m on and refresh my directions.

I see that my GPS is very angry at me, as it keeps popping up dots where I am. Since I keep moving dots keep popping up all over the map.

A green light turns and I decide to keep going. Is that a Baskin Robbins? I didn’t know that there was one here.

Is that a freeway ramp I see in the distance? if I keep driving in what looks like the direction of the freeway I see I know I will find a freeway eventually.

Another red light and I hit refresh again. The GPS says a big “F U” to me and turns itself off. If I want directions I have to reenter all the information.

Fine! I’ll go to this mysterious freeway exit I am sure that I am heading towards.

Eventually I find the freeway exit. Apparently I have traveled way east and towards the wrong freeway altogether from where I had intended to go.

I got home eventually. Probably a half hour later than I should have gotten home.

I don’t understand why people say I don’t take direction well……

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Warning!

This is really a warning that is in everyone’s best interest: Do NOT give me coffee
But why, you ask?

I don’t drink coffee. I don’t like the taste of it (although I love the smell of it) and have never had a cup of coffee or any variation thereof, in my life.

So when a nice man came into my office today and gave me a coffee, I took a few sips to be polite but never intended to drink the whole thing. However, the coffee he brought was delicious! This delightful confection was full of sugar and cream and various tasty and high caloric things that masked the taste of the coffee that lurked somewhere in the drink. Before I knew it, I had finished the entire thing!

I had forgotten that I had not eaten anything that day and didn’t realize that this would be a full sugar/caffeine jolt to my system without any kind of buffer. Next thing I know everything is super funny and I can’t stop giggling!

I am at work! This behavior is unacceptable! I try to calm myself down but apparently that doesn’t extend to my feet which have started a tap dancing routine without my permission.

I am super excited to see everyone, and my speech starts getting incredibly fast paced. The baffled look of “what the hell?” crosses every ones face as they (try) to speak to me. I am bouncing along as I walk, with the occasional “Shuffle off to buffalo” tap move tossed in for good measure.

That random noise that everyone is hearing is me, tunelessly humming. One of my co-workers looked at me and said, “Look at her eyes! It’s like she’s on crack!”

My heart rate was accelerated and I was suddenly overcome with an urge to go shopping. Another co-worker called to tell me explicitly not to go shopping in this condition. “What does she know? I just want to go shopping…everywhere!”

Everything was extraordinarily fascinating but at the same time everything took me way longer to process than normal. I looked up how this drink is made; it has multiple shots of espresso in it! This is unacceptable!

Finally, about three hours later I finally crashed.

Please do not let me do this again! Now that I know there is a type of coffee out there that actually tastes good, but apparently is made with a bazillion shots of espresso, I will probably be tempted to try it once again. This is a bad plan! No matter how amusing it maybe, do not let me drink coffee. It is like letting a ferret loose in a room full of shiny objects. You don’t want to deal with that kind of crazy!

This public service announcement was brought to you by the letter C for Caffeine.

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